Jokes

Drinking Buddies

Bob and Jim were a couple of Newfie drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Gander , NFLD. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bob said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"

Jim says "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz... You wanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed. The next morning Bob wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings...

It's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bob says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

Bob says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."

Jim says, "Yeah, well there's just one thing... Have you farted yet?"

Bob says, "No....."

"Well," Jim says, "DON'T! I'm in Thunder Bay!"

Happy Hour In Newfoundland

A Newfie saw a sign at a restaurant.

It read.....

 Happy Hour Special:

 Lobster Tail & Beer.

“Lard Tunderin Jaises!” he says to himself, “Me Three favourite things!”

Child Support

DIVORCED FATHER:
When you go back to your Mom’s tonight, give her this envelope and tell her that since you are now 18, this is the last check she’ll ever see from me for child support. Then, stand back and watch the expression on her face.”

DAUGHTER: O.K."

Later…

DAUGHTER:
Mom, Dad asked me to give you this envelope. He said to tell you that since I’m now 18, this is the last child support payment he’ll ever have to make to you. Now I’m supposed to stand back and watch the expression on your face.”

DIVORCED MOTHER:
Next time you visit your father, tell him that after 18 years I have decided to inform him that he’s not your father…… then, stand back and watch the expression on his face.”